The one thing I have learned to appreciate more so than anything else in my marriage is watching as my husband grows. Not in a childlike physical sense but more emotional and mature. We met when we were both 21. I fell hard for him. I loved everything about him - his smile, his humor, his smell, and the way he walked... I even remember sitting next to him in the car watching him drive and being so attracted to him. We were young and sexy and had worries that today seem so trivial and minute. We were both working unimportant jobs, jobs that allowed some slack. I had my own apartment and so we had our own little haven of privacy. It was the beginning of summer when we met and he was this guy who came out of nowhere and knocked me on my ass. I was not looking for him nor was he looking for me, but when it happened it was intense. I remember telling my mom about a month after we met that he was the man I was going to marry. I was shocked to hear myself say this because I had never thought about marriage before, ever. He was the one. He is the one.
We have had quite a ride. It has been normal by most standards. We have fought, made up, fought about the same things, and made up again. We have worked hard and we have slacked, broken promises and said things we wish we could take back... but we have also built. We have built this monument of "us" that could not ever be torn down and created history together that no one could ever erase. One of the most honest and cherished memories I have is my husband saying to me, "Baby, you sure piss me off sometimes and you make me mad as hell but I love you more than anything in this world and I would not be the same without you". It was so simple and so honest that I was at a total loss of words. That is the epitome of us. We have this uncanny ability to bug the crap out of each other but in the end we are so in love.
My husband has always been the practical one. He is the one that makes sense and I am the one sprinkling fairy dust on top of his practicality and making it pretty. He has adapted and accepted that this is the way it will be and I have adopted some of his common sense. He is a dreamer, one of my favorite qualities about him. He is always looking for ways to make things better, less squeaky - more polished. He takes on things that challenge him and finishes in his own time with this amazing understanding of something new. I have caught myself many times in the past few months in awe of him. I say the past few months on purpose because I have this heightened sense of reality now that we are starting a family and I am so much more appreciative of him and the things that he does. He can fix a car without getting mad, he can put on pair of hockey skates and after 10 years feel at home on the ice but still fall on his butt and laugh, he can look at our snow covered backyard and talk about exactly what he wants to plant in the spring, he can stay home with me on a Saturday night and talk about our plans for our son's nursery while I take a bath and fall asleep early. He can inspire me and he can make me want to be better. He has anchored me, makes me feel safe, and given me this life that I could never have imagined could be this good. All of these things that he can do haven't all come easily to him but he has mastered them and has evolved into this wonderful, strong, honest, happy, kind, and generous man.
I am going to tell him that I only wrote this to see if he reads my blog and he will laugh because he gets my sense of humor and he gets me... I am a lucky duck. I can only hope we are all this lucky...